finally!!!! my computer is working n i can go online... n singtel upgraded my 256k to a 512k 4 free!!! however, my msn messenger did not work suddenly.... kept saying "default gateway" kept trying but still cannot log in.. i dunno y ..... sianz......
nevermind... i'll slowly find out wats wrong wif it....
itz coming to the end of 2005 soon... many things had happened n i've learnt many things this year. firstly, certain things jux happen as it is... when u start to cherish ur love ones n hope tat they have gd health, all of a sudden things change n they will leave u. i miss dad...... but ... think positively... he had left us earlier tats all. i believe we will meet when again in another world. however, there will still be times when tears flow when i think bout all the gd times i had wif him esp when during the days when i was young n will tag along wif him to work.
in relationships i learnt one thing never put urself into a relationship until u r sure she loves u too. i'm one who puts in all my heart into one always n in the end its a one sided love. then... HURTS!!!!! but i do recover quite easily as time passes by wif every relationship i try 2 put together. sometimes i do feel that i am useless. most people at my age have at least one but i have zero. only one but i will never consider tat at all coz she was overseas when i asked n till now she din come baq. n it jux ended but we were still gd frenz. when will true love come? when will i find miss right. let fate decide. its really tiring.... very tiring.. i had enough redi.... 3 this year.... n all failed. worst to realise tat someone i used 2 love n tat i hurt most n put in most effort was all the while fooling me. how stupid am i?? to be fooled n played for 1.5 years.. do u noe tat it hurts alot . really!!! how can i possibly bring myself forward 2 b courageous 2 find a new one again?? i dun tink so... relationships really had a huge impact on me this year. i'm one who has no confidence now in relationships... no more.
friendship..... well... true frenx are really hard 2 find. i'm lucky.. i met 3. they will always be there 4 me. always be there 2 support me. never had them back stabbing me. others... maybe i'm in the wrong course of study n i chose 2 mix around wif ppl i should not mix me. another lesson. choose your frens properly. until year 3 then i realised.. i chose to mix around wif all the wrong ppl. regretted. some are juz so irritating!!!!!!! putting on mask every now n then. for example.... putting on a sick face.... haiyah.. sure fail my test .. get back results very good. then say by luck... worst till hao lian tat he/she noe his/her work very well... sure correct in the end results no good then give ppl face. like the whole world angered u. wth....... hate tis kind of ppl. why can't u be true to urself??? if u noe ur work say u noe... afraid that u will say u dunno then get high marks then shut up dun say... do u ever noe how one feel when u hope to excel in the course of study even though u din like it but everytime u wun do well, then some idiots will be jux there 2 put on their masks. its juz like being so looked down!!! irritating! very irritating!! i hate my life like tat meeting ppl like tat. nevermind i shall not see him/her anymore after 2 months. coz... i wan 2 graduate n leave this stupid place!!!!!! maybe its my fault... all because i din choose my course properly in the end ... i ended up in an environment not suitable 4 me. really its not!!! n its true.. i can get along better wif ppl from different course of study. much better n much things that we can talk about. (dun care if he/she reads this because its my blog n i shall write wat i like!)
ok... leave my unhappiness in school aside... i should look 4ward to my future.... after army where will i go n what will i do.... hmmz... things are getting brighter ... i've passed my life saving 1,2, n 3 test today n will be proceeding to take my bronze medallion certificate in order to b a life guard .. then i'll take my swimming instructor course. hooray then i can teach children how 2 swim. so fun 2 mix around wif children!!!! then i will choose the course of study that i like n then decide on my career... i wan 2 be an air steward!!!! then i can travel !!!! like 2 meet more ppl n learn more things... maybe i'll teach... maybe i'll be a superstar.. i'll cut an album... i'll be a businessman n earn lotsa $$$ ... or a plumber... sell yakult or WALLS ice cream.....
ok eden lim get back to reality... focus on getting my diploma first!!!! ok ..... its 2.24am n i'm still widely awake!!!!!! ok .. gotta get back 2 sleep... hope my msn can work!!!! haha... nitex!!!!
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